Yellow Page Despair

I really must get my name taken out of Yellow Pages. In the seven years I've been listed there, the only enquiries I've received - with one exception - have been on the lines of, "Do you paint pet portraits?" I got another today. There's obviously a crying need for pet portrait painters in the North East, but I'm not ready to serve that need.

The one exception? Someone wanted to know if I painted weddings. I assume they meant from photographs, but the image of my setting up an easel in front of the church, while the bride and groom's families pose in their best hats, is an intriguing one.