Football match? What football match?

Jackie Plays On (oil on canvas, 36 x 72 ins)

Living as I do in a constant state of football apathy, I might be excused for not noticing that there's some kind of football event about to happen. But even I can't miss the madly flapping flags of St George attached to every car going by, and the tv trailer overkill.

So, OK, I know there's some kind of footie tournament about to addle the brains of much of the population (I was about to say "male population", but women are so keen to be laddish now). I won't offer my Henman-inspired scepticism about the likely outcome (largely because I don't know what I'm talking about and prefer to hold my counsel on such occasions).

Instead, as my part in the festivities, I offer my painting of the statue of Jackie Milburn.